Dreams do come true
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Today I have been really excited, in fact the euphoric feeling began last night as I was visualizing how tonight is going to play out. My anticipation was so strong that I even dreamt of Krishna Das Ji, in his maroon tee shirt- plain, simple and vibrating with source energy. I saw that I was eagerly waiting to meet him and he ignored me. I was sad, and said to myself “This is what you get for putting your energy in meeting a celebrity.”
I woke up with this memory and remembering the dream as I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror – naked, vulnerable, surrendered within my skin pulsating with life and energy, as I was massaging olive oil into my face and telling my mom how excited I was for tonight’s concert I caught a glimpse of my eyes staring back at me. I felt like I was going to meet my lover.
I wanted to look my best, dress my best and be all prepared to meet. Whom? I thought about the excitement in my heart and just looking into my eyes in the mirror I found my heart heavy and I was sobbing, and I mean full blown sobbing; tears rushing – like a releasing of my trapped emotion, a flow from my heart of the sheer joy I was experiencing to see my best artists in performance tonight. I felt like I found something I never knew I possessed, like the first time I had an orgasm.
For no explainable reason, I was in peace. I was sobbing not because I missed someone or something, not because I got something I wanted so badly; it was nothing like that, I felt complete beyond words that can describe my feelings its only felt, and I didn’t even do anything to feel that, I was stark naked, standing in front of the mirror wearing nothing and doing nothing to create an identity, just plain, simple daily ritual of loving my self.
My heart was tender, peaceful, in the moment, without the constriction of the ego; I was in bliss, like I found a greater part of my self that is limitless part of the universe. My feelings were somewhere between excited or ecstatic and emotionally blissful. I was sobbing freely and quietly, like I found the meaning of my life in that moment, my purpose, my journey all seemed aligned with the source. Even now I feel connected with source energy.
When I look around, I see lost souls, I find the lifeless, purposeless hustle and bustle as people are moving around their eyes are dim, every now and then I rendezvous with a few people who have that glimmer in their eyes as I align with them, there is a twinkle in their eyes and a knowing smile like saying without words, I am connected with my source energy. I realize there is a source bigger than all of us and I belong to that source in this very moment.
Every day for the last 3 years I have asked myself this one simple question in many different ways, “Why am I here?” and almost every week I find a yearning within me that forces me to join my hands in prayer and ask the universe to show me the bliss that comes from knowing your true self without the ego coming in the middle because I hear its everlasting, not like the yearning for a lover’s touch, or the excitement of buying a new pair of shoes, clothes, or jewelry.
Believe me I have done all of the above, and felt the rush but it subsides and as the shoes and clothes, sit in the closet, the diploma hangs on the wall, and the SUV is parked in the driveway I begin the process of conquering again because I like feeling that I am going somewhere , that I am in control, that I am accomplishing, I am possessing material wealth and making a name for myself. I know the feelings because I have experienced it like an orgasm.
Today I realized I wanted a lifetime of that orgasmic feeling that like a explosion erupts from my third eye . I want a lifetime of that feeling-I go to sleep, wake up, and continue the cycle of my daily existence everyday- that the orgasmic bliss from this limitless, or rather abundant universe is always there within me not that I have to tap in but its there with me like the nose on my face, like my breath, my footing, its there because I am tuned in, tapped in , turned on like Abraham-Hicks says. I don’t want to have to find it through yoga or meditation.
Its there like my breath or heart beat- I want that kind of orgasmic bliss that great tantric practitioners have written about , which can be attained as a couple- but I want it for myself. I want it by myself. And I want it to last…a life time and beyond as I dissolve back into the energy source I came from.
